We Don’t Know Each Other, As Much As We Think We Do

A name tag introduces us to someone. After that, do we still know them?

Over the past few weeks, we have watched individuals in the spotlight being scrutinized and dissected for their alledged actions and behavior.  Since we have easy access on the internet to find out more about a person, whether if it’s a former coach or a political candidate, we are quick, albeit immediately quick, to weigh judgment on that person.

Which leads me to this long-held statement that we need to say to ourselves:  when we think we really know someone, we don’t.  And we never will.

Ask yourself:  how well do you know your co-worker, friend, spouse, and kids?  Do you know their every motive, thoughts, and movement?  If that person is a good individual, is it genuine or just a front to hide something sinister, or sad, or troubling about themselves?

Seriously, do you really think that Bernie Fine is going to tell Jim Boeheim (pictured) what he does behind closed doors, even after 40+ years of knowing each other? Hell no.

I can tell you one thing, they are not going to tell you anything that they wouldn’t want anyone else to know.  Bernie Fine wasn’t going to tell Jim Boeheim about what goes on at his house.

That what makes the recent stories of perceived and alledged behavior all the more interesting…and troubling.

There is no such thing as a perfect life.  I harkened that in October with Walter Payton and Frank Shorter.  The same can be applied to Bernie Fine and Herman Cain today.  As we question what were they thinking by either hiding or concealing their secrets, or “shadows” as Debbie Ford calls them, sit and think about what you are keeping as a secret from others about yourself.

How much do all of you know me, beyond writing this blog, being a good friend with witty comments, and volunteering in my community with humbleness?  Am I geniune like Tim Tebow, or another reincarnation of John Wayne Gacy?  Remember, Gacy was named the Waterloo Jaycees Man of the Year and was considered a nice individual.

We know how that story ended, right?  Jerry Sandusky pales in comparison, on a large scale, to the atrocities that Gacy conducted.  Sandusky “robbed” his victims of their childhood. Gacy “robbed” his victims of their young lives, by death.

Revisionist history need not apply here.  It’s Gacy and it’s not even close.  Graham James up in Canada is a distant second.

In all of us, there is something we’re hiding from others as a way to protect ourselves from being outed in some way.

We tend to “project” what we see as a wrong or something we want to change, but we have a hard time controlling and addressing these problems ourselves.  An easy example is a public official voicing displeasure of something immoral, only to have him or her self get caught doing the very thing he or she was trying to suppress.

Here’s another:  a person who says that they hate closed-minded people and consider themselves liberal…learns that their child or someone in their family have announced they are gay, dating someone of a different race, or what ever.  That same person becomes upset and objects to it, not realizing that what they say contradicts their reaction and attitude.

Do we do these things because we want to punish the other person for doing it, or are we hiding something that we are unable to address internally ourselves and in turn letting these behaviors destroy us?

– “Running From Shadows” March 6, 2011

Maybe I’m putting too much into this, but I question myself everyday about what I’m doing and what I’m thinking of.  Am I doing the right thing?  Is this something that I need to control?  Will this type of behavior destroy me if someone finds out about it? 

Call it overanalyzing, but I call it checking to make sure I’m competent, sane, and as “normal” as I can be.

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