All of you already know about a certain story over the weekend.  I’m not going to mention because all of you have an opinion of it. 

Now, with that said, let me ask all of you a question.  While you have been forming opinion about the person in question, have you bothered to ask yourself this: 

• what could I learn from this?
• what can I do if I see this happen?
• how can I get involved so that I can make a difference? 

That’s not exactly what I asked Adam Wilson from the Altoona Herald, but that’s pretty much what I asked. 

We spend so much damn time talking about “what could have been done”, and not “what can we do right now”, we forgot the real lesson in this story:  if you don’t want it to happen again, get off of your ass and make a difference. 

It’s pointless to use the “what could have been done” excuse.  It happen.  It’s done.  You can’t change it.  You’re not Superman, where you can fly in reverse to save Lois Lane and stop a comet.  That’s fiction.

“But, but, he could have…” 

But nothing.  It’s over.  You learn from history and mistakes and you work towards being proactive down the road.  Trying to relive the past and what you could have done is a waste of time. 

Stop it. 

If you are really passionate about stopping physical and sexual violence and abuse against children, stop talking, and sign up at a local shelter that provide services to children, and to women.  In 2010, the Iowa Department of Human Services had 32,841 cases on file of child abuse and neglect.  20,246 were unconfirmed cases, 2,687 were confirmed, while 9,908 were founded cases of abuse. 

You want to know the sad part?  For every case worker that gets hired, at least 3 of them quit, after being burned out, lack, little, or no resources, no help with the work load, and not enough support, from lawmakers to taxpayers. 

Those taxpayers are us, folks. 

If we care so much about the kids, then why do we become skittish when a child does need our help and when the child doesn’t get it, then we look to blame someone else?  You could have done something, but you didn’t.  It makes you as guilty as the person being discussed over the last 72 hours. 

How does that feel? 

But I doubt many of you will.  You love to talk and pontificate about what someone else should have done, but you expect others to do something that you don’t want to do your damn self.  That’s what I’m pissed off about:  all of you trying to be a moral compass.  Shut up and get involved.

Most of you didn’t care about what goes on in our own backyard, until I gave you the stats a few paragraphs ago.  Some of you have suspected or witnessed possible child abuse.  And yet, like the person in the center of the national story, you turned a blind eye as well. 

In fact, when it comes to abuse towards women and children, all of us have turned a blind eye.  Don’t even lie, especially those who follow sports.  As long as the athlete or the coach wins, you turn a blind eye to the player slapping his GF around at the Ped Mall, or the coach lining up rows of cocaine in the basement of his house. 

We’re all hypocrites and to read what some guys have written and tweeted on Saturday and Sunday, I wonder if they would have given that much attention to what goes on in their own backyard. 

I doubt if they did.  Which is why I’m extremely disappointed that they haven’t realized the opportunity they have right in front of them, especially sports writers and bloggers:  turn a horrible negative into a ray of hope by advocating and supporting groups that are dedicated in stopping the culture of human abuse, young and old. 

So, to most of you who seem to have an opinion about “what could have been done” or “it could have stopped”, let me give you some advice.  Stop saying it.  Start asking yourself “what can I do?” 

The first place you should call is Prevent Child Abuse Iowa.  Call, ask about learning more about abuse, educate yourself, educate others, and be an advocate.  If you care about the prevention of abuse towards women and families, call the Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence. 

It’s getting tiresome hearing about what one person could have done.  What are you going to do if you are in a similar situation?  Keep referring back to the one person that didn’t do something?  Or are you going to get up and do something and in turn make a difference? 

Stop being reactive.  Start being pro-active.  Stop whining.  Start doing.

Prevent Child Abuse Iowa: 1-800-CHILDREN (to those on Twitter, give a shout out to @Trillix.  They designed the website for PCA Iowa.)

Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence:  244-8028, email icadv@icadv.org

Will laptops, iPads, and computers become extinct if two controversial pieces of legislation passes?

I don’t know a lot about the internet or what is permissible or not with respects to content.  Nor am I a huge fan of cause celebre.  I will admit that I didn’t have a clue what the Stop Online Piracy Act and the Protect IP Act, SOPA and PIPA respectively, was, that are about to be debated and ultimately voted on in Congress over the next week or so. 

All I do know is this:  a lot of people are not in favor of these two pieces of legislation because both would impose a considerable amount of censorship and/or limit the use of the internet.  I think it’s important that to provide what the actual bills say, verbatim, courtesy of Thomas, the official congressional resource site, operated by the Library of Congress, one of the best resources to find and read bills. 

Stop Online Piracy Act (synopsis without text) (with full text)

Protect IP Act (synopsis w/o text) (with full text)

Several thoughts from me:  There are those who have chosen to put their websites in black or use a form of a black ban in support against these bills.  I respect that, but for me personally, I am not going “black” on this blog.  First of all, I don’t know how to put anything in “black”, and I feel that by continuing to blog, without blocking anything, this is my personal way of voicing my concerns about the bills. 

I do feel that there is bipartisan support and bipartisan dissent against these bills.  Don’t believe me?  Here’s this and this as evidence.  Tell me how many Dems and Repubs are co-sponsoring SOPA and PIPA?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  As the great basketball website Rush The Court tweeted last night: 

Best part of SOPA/PIPA discussion: both bills have bipartisan support/dissent, so no reflexively blaming the party you don’t like.

Amen to that. 

Second of all, they have to debate these bills before they can vote on it.  Education and explaining the ramifications of what these bills could do is vitally important than just saying “stop SOPA (or PIPA).”  The disappointment is that many non-internet-savvy folks like me were not given much text about it.  We were just told to send a message to our Congressmen and ask them to vote no against it. 

I don’t send anything to anyone unless I read it and I understand what it means. 

Earlier today, I tweeted the following, thanks to a Facebook post Tuesday night by great friend Phil James when Cat Rocketship and him mentioned the Motion Picture Association of America’s role in the internet bill debate: 

You know, if we’re going to ask Congress not to pass SOPA/PIPA, how about going to the groups like MPAA and bang on them as well?

Only one person retweeted it.  Look, it’s fine to bang on Congress, but who lobbied Congress to create and shape these bills?  Who are the groups, individuals, and others who are pushing for the passing of SOPA and PIPA?  The Motion Picture Association of America is one of them.  Who else is in favor of the legislation?  Apparently, there has to be more than the MPAA, law enforcement, and unions, right?  So far, no one I know has offered or named these groups.  I researched online to find these groups, but to no avail. 

Is Pearl Jam and the RIAA still suing the mess out of people for downloading their music?  Just asking, because I haven’t heard much from them in awhile.

Are groups like Pearl Jam in favor of restricting usage of their music, image, and brand by shutting down individuals who uses them, like me w/their picture?

It should be a two-pronged approach:  lobby to Congress to reconsider the bills, and to rally support against the powerful MPAA and others who are pushing it. 

Look, there are individuals who abuse the privilege and use the internet for their unscrupulous agendas and plans.  There are still hackers all across the world looking for attention by throwing a monkey wrench and blowing up someone’s website, blog, and whatever.  Those are the jerks that need to be put in their place, but not at the expense of regular internet users who use common sense and do the right thing. 

There are also those we call “flamers” who go to great lengths to shut a website down that they do not agree with or just to bring attention to themselves.  Those jackasses should not be able to control and run the internet so that their view of the world can dominate and rule online. 

If SOPA and PIPA are voted down, then it is up to not only Congress, but to those who understand the positive benefits of the internet and its usage, to work on stopping bad people from destroying the internet, so that all of us can use it for education, entertainment, and information.

Community service is more than a glorified one-day deal. It's an everyday job.

Today, everyone will talk and espouse about community service and peace toward mankind, for this is a national holiday honoring Dr. Martin Luther King.  Community service and peace were two of the main facets that made Dr. Martin Luther King one of the most revered Americans ever during a time where our nation went through a period of evolution that challenged our societal attitudes and way of life. 

But as I think about this day, I can’t help but to ask this yearly question to myself…

…have we really learned anything from the words and actions of King, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and others? 

My answer is a resounding “no”.  We say we want to adhere to those principles of civility and peace, but we feel the need to say, act, or behave in ways that we know is wrong, but we do it anyway. 

Remember last January and the Tucson, Arizona shootings?  Everyone was quick to say that the shooting was triggered by the political rhetoric.  It wasn’t.  Jared Loughner had a history of being an unstable individual due to mental illness, and Loughner acted out randomly as he fired upon a crowd, including Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.  It was never directly due to political rhetoric. 

We ignored the real problem:  the state of mental health in this country. 

After that tragedy, we “pledged” to be kinder and gentler when it came to poltiical discourse. 

That was short-lived.  Our attention span is so short, we can’t even recall who was in the 2011 Final Four besides Butler and UConn.  We’re back to the same old thing, because we “chose” to continue this silliness ourselves.  It’s not just the Republicans’ or the Democrats’ fault. 

It’s ours.  We encourage the unruly behavior as a way to satisfy ourselves and what we want.  And I doubt if we’re really going to make an effort in being civil in every day life. 

Many of you are not fans of ESPN Radio‘s Colin Cowherd.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  I’m one of a few that like him, regardless if I agree with his opinions or not.  I bring him up because of a video clip after the jump that I’ve adopted in 2011 as a mantra for myself.  The clip is worth listening as he asks “Why are we always looking to strike back (or seek revenge) when someone says or do something wrong towards us?” 

If we really care about being civil, then I wouldn’t be writing this, or Character Counts In Iowa wouldn’t be on the forefront of fostering civil discourse and behavior in this world.

——————-

Also on this day, everyone will be participating in a “day of service” across the nation.  I’m for community service and individuals who are dedicated in helping their communities in the spirit of charity and service. 

But what I have a hard accepting is the notion that we should set aside this national holiday as a “national” day of service.  “Everyday” is a national day of service.  Police, fire, and EMT personnel don’t take 364 (365 as 2012 is a leap year) days off, so they could put all of their efforts into doing a “day of service” on this day. 

They are on call every second, minute, hour, and day to provide service to those in need. 

If you're going to do community service, don't half-ass it like Lindsay Lohan. She's only doing it to wipe that jail conviction off of her record.

There are people who need help everyday, not just on the Dr. King holiday.  From the homeless to those battling cystic fibrosis.  From battered women and children to military veterans battling Post-Traumatic Syndrome Disorder. 

For those who think they feel they have done something good by doing “a day of service” on this holiday, I want to challenge you to do more than just one day of service. 

In fact, I want you to find an organization, charity, or a group, join it, and immerse yourself into community service.  If you’re going to do it to “pad” your resume and look good in the community, you are better off not doing it at all.  You’re wasting your time.

Please don’t just show up for one day and then go back into hiding until the next Dr. King holiday.  It’s an insult to so many people who constantly provide community service worldwide. 

Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos continue to amaze...and upset fans everywhere.

Take away the religious aspects, the miscues of other teams, and the sunny optimism, and Tim Tebow would be Tom Brady. 

Okay, that’s a bad analogy, but you know what, I can’t hate on the kid.  I’ve always respected him as an individual and as a player.  Yes, he was 10 for 21 in passing for 316 yards, and he threw a game-winning touchdown in overtime to eliminate Pittsburgh, 29-23.  That’s still not enough to make “converts” out of his critics. 

Funny thing, though, is that he isn’t trying to get you to love him or become a fan of his.  Far from it.  The most important job he has is to help his team win games. 

So what if he has a flaw?  All of us have one (including all of you haters out there).  Why be jealous or upset that he’s been able to succeed off of luck, happenstance, and just sheer belief (religious or not) that “if there’s a will, there’s a way.” 

Sorry, but I’m giving the guy his props.  You don’t have to, but keep this in mind:  when people doubt you and your abilities, do you listen to your critics and believe every word they say? 

Of course not.  You want to prove people wrong and shove it in their face.  

Isn’t that the same thing he wants to do?  Like Tom Brady did, like John Elway has? 

If someone believes in her or himself, they don’t care what their critics think or how others want to see them fail. 

They keep going and finding ways to make things happen, in business, sports, or in life. 

Tim Tebow isn’t asking you to like him.  He’s only asking you to let him show you that he believes in himself. 

London rings in 2012 (Arturo Fernandez)

Happy New Year 2012 to all of you!  I hope you had an enjoyable New Years Eve that was drama-free and safe. 

Over the past couple of weeks, there has been plenty of criticism towards the state of Iowa with respects to the start of the political campaign/election season.  The ongoing question is “why Iowa?”  Well, why “New Hampshire?”, “Why South Carolina?”

This isn’t about Stephen Bloom’s article in The Atlantic, and in some way, this isn’t about Tuesday’s caucus. 

It’s the national media’s continued effort to demonize Iowa as a “no-name” state that should have no business being in existence.  They’re probably saying the same thing about the Dakotas, Nebraska, and Wisconsin.  To the west coast media, we’re not “liberal” enough.  To the east coast media, we’re not “refined” for their taste. 

If that’s the case, then why didn’t California be the first to legalize same-sex marriages and why didn’t New York make the push to be the first to hold a caucus or a primary?

Jealousy?  Mmmmm???

If that “Raucous Before the Caucus” media-only event at the World Food Prize didn’t make the media understand about our fair state, then it’s time to fight fire with fire.

Honestly, I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of having to defend my state by pointing out that Iowa is a lot more than simple life, agriculture, and feeding wannabe Presidents at the Pizza Ranch and Java Joes.  We have issues and problems just like Los Angeles, New York City, Chicago and Minneapolis.  I’ve said it as much in my rebuttal to Dr. Bloom. 

Today, I’m not going to reiterate it.  I’ll let Scott Siepker tell you what Iowans really want to tell the national media, on and off camera.  Scott gets a little assist from my friend Van Holmgren. 

To his credit, Scott isn’t going to play “nice”, so you have been warned… 

Not Safe For Work

It took Clarence to convince George Bailey he has a wonderful life.

George Bailey and I have a lot in common.  We’re extremely loyal to our families and friends, always offer to help others in their endeavours and projects, and the both of us are driven to do right by everyone. 

George and I also struggle when we start to think that no one’s around when we fall and there’s no net at the bottom.  With the help of Clarence, his assigned Guardian Angel, George realizes that despite never having the chance to see the world and living out his dreams, he has a wonderful life.  

No one goes through life error-free, chaste, or perfect.  Those who have or are living a perfect life haven’t experienced life.   

As 2011 draws to a close tonight, I learned something special.

I am George Bailey.   There are a lot of George Baileys in this world, who are on the ropes and losing faith in themselves as the view their world crumbling from every corner. 

I’ve been through a tough stretch, 2 years to be exact, of finding my way back into the working world.  There were moments where I wanted to give up emotionally and mentally.  The other part of me questioned, with a hinge of anger, why was I struggling to find work, whereas my friends and acquaintances were landing better gigs and making career moves. 

It was never in my family’s DNA to take risks, opting for the safer conservative path of finding steady work and being complacent. 

As I dealt with that, I increased my volunteerism around town.  At one point this summer, I turned down a temp job, so that I could do a short internship with the American Diabetes Association of Iowa.  It was the best decision I ever made. 

But, this isn’t about the awards I received:  Iowa Governor’s Volunteer Award or the YPC Community Service Award and being recognized for community service and being charitable.  

This is about the people who help us get through the good and the bad,  the people who encourages you during the sad/difficult/rough moments, and celebrate with you when good things happen.  

I’m talking about our virtual “Guardian Angels”. 

They are also called “Saving Graces” or “Guiding Lights” (apologies to the late popular soap opera).  George Bailey had one in Clarence.  Most of you have had one at a difficult point in your life. 

These two cuties can put a smile on anyone's face. I'm proud to call them my nieces.

I’ve had so many Saving Graces over this past year, including 2010, sending a ”thank you” card, sending an email, or telling them in person “thank you” doesn’t do it justice.

Not by a mile.   

I am pretty damn blessed to be surrounded by amazing individuals, genuine people, and folks who have perspective in their lives. 

That’s my family, the infinite number of friends, former classmates, co-workers, acquaintances, and people I have met so far.  Without them, I would have…well…let’s not ruminate on that. 

No one should walk alone as we travel the long winding road known as life.

I may not have a fancy car, the “right” career, or the things that everyone else has, but I have a wonderful life, just like George.  It took all of you to show me that. 

This was a wonderful year for me. 

Unlike my generation, our parents generation are the last ones to be able to remain with one employer for an entire career.

Thursday, December 22, 2011 will be another day for my mom.  She’ll head into work, order parts for the 2012 combines, review the plans, and then send them to the engineers for their final sign-off or make changes. 

When 4:00 p.m. comes, she’ll pick up her purse, lunch bag, and a few things, and head out the door…for the final time. 

Since the day I was born, all I have ever known about my mom is that she worked for John Deere.  She’s been there since January 1972, four years before I arrived with small fanfare at on New Years Day 1976.  Nearly 40 years she has been with one employer. 

Think about that last sentence.  She’s one of a rare breed that stayed with one employer most of her working/career life.  Not many people today will have the luxury and the fortunate opportunity to stay at one place. 

My mother and I had a long discussion last year about our futures.  Now that I’m working again, my mother is preparing to leave and is in search of doing something to stay busy, possibly volunteering.

For as much as my generation vent our frustration about trying to find that “perfect job (or career)”, my mother has been through the roller coaster ride of nearly 40 years at one employer.  When she graduated from college, the career that she was aspiring was not available at that time, so she took a job with John Deere and gradually moved up the “career” ladder.

The problem was, as she pointed out, her “job” was never a “career” in her eyes. 

"The Waterloo Boy" was one of John Deere's first well-known line of tractors.

She was growing frustrated with my inclination to be defensive when someone tells me “…you need to be a (fill-in-the-blank).  I think you are perfect in it!”  It was already hard enough being told throughout my 11 years in the workplace that not having a business degree like everyone else was not going to land me a job.  I was growing tired of being told to go into this job and that job because it’s either the “in” thing to do or because it’s easy.

“Have you ever stopped yourself and asked ‘what do you like about yourself?’” my mom asked. 

“I don’t know.  If I don’t figure it out now, I may never land a job.”

“I’m not talking about a job.  The last time you were between jobs, you were looking for a “job” and never took the time to reflect on your life’s goals.  You were scared and wanted to get back on your feet.  Now that you are between jobs again, stop thinking about “a job” and treat this break as a journey to find your calling.  Not your father’s calling, your friends, or someone else’s calling.  Your own.  It may take longer than you expect, but you let your fears and apprehension get in the way of being yourself.” 

She was right.  I have gotten in the way of being open-minded about what new avenues to take, resorting to being told what to do and what industry or career to go to because “everyone else is doing it.”

In this world of experts, self-help books, and surveys dissecting the difference between Generation X and Y, our parents, outside of our friends, might give us the best advice about how to navigate the troubled waters of life.  Old fashioned?  Yes.  Sometimes out of touch?  Of course.

We tend to take our parents’ experience in the workplace for granted.  They have seen the transformation of the workplace from typewriter to computers and from board meetings to videoconferences.  They have also witness or being subjected to the culture of office politics, which can be cruel and unforgiving.

Our parents do know best.  We have to give them time and the space to convey it to us. 

This Christmas will be different.  For the both of us. 

Iowa isn't flat. You don't need Christopher Columbus to prove that. (Sioux City Journal file photo)

I had planned on writing a little letter to Dr. Stephen Bloom, but I felt some perspective was needed before writing about something based purely on reactionary terms.

By now, everyone across the state of Iowa knows Bloom and the write-up he penned for The Atlantic Magazine. 

A lot of folks here in the land between two rivers are very upset by his “flame-torch” observation of Iowa as the 2012 Caucus approaches on January 3rd.  Much like the Iowa Hawkeyes football season, anything bad that happens, we over-react in a frenzied mode.  It’s easy for Mike Draper of RAYGUN to print up a shirt mocking Bloom, it’s easy for people to send messages to The Atlantic to voice their displeasure and wanting their recourse towards Bloom.

The problem is, when we don’t read the entire text of he wrote, only reacting to the excerpts and quotes that were highlighted, we miss the entire picture. 

This isn’t going to make people happy, but I’ll say it:  there is some validity to Bloom’s observations, if you get beyond some of his disparaging remarks, which is his opinion, like it or not. 

For everything we romanticize about our fair state, there’s plenty of challenges that we are currently facing, or will face. 

I agree with a large part of his observation of the socioeconomic and political culture of Iowa.  Iowa is facing plenty of issues that we know all too well.  It doesn’t take a professor to figure that out.  (Yeah, I wrote that last sentence.  Sometimes, I have to be a smartass.  I’m too nice.) 

There are some things he wrote that is very true: 

• Iowa is not flat. 
• The once-flourishing river towns of Keokuk, Davenport, to name a few, are reshaping an identity for themselves, now that the Mississippi River is no longer a major mode of transportation. 
• The eastern side of the state is mostly Democratic, the western half is Republican.
• We continue to re-elect Tom Harkin and Chuck Grassley to the U.S. Senate, and we love incumbents. 

Bloom calls the whole thing schizophrenic, I call it unique and an example of how we operate here in Iowa.  Partisanship aside, I have long theorized that Iowans will elect people who can do their job and ensure that we get what we want from Washington or from the statehouse in Des Moines.  If you can deliver the “goods”, you get re-elected.  Plain and simple.

 I have been an Iowan all of my life.  A black Iowan, mind you, Dr. Bloom.  One of about 50,000 in this state.  You’ll probably find us in the urban areas.  It’s lovely in Davenport, Des Moines, Waterloo, and Sioux City at this time of the year.

The crux of Bloom’s dissertation is this:  why does Iowa gets so much attention by this nation and the political world every four years when it comes to the Presidential election?  Bloom’s ulterior motive, to me, is to tell America about the “real” Iowa…from his own eyes.

Personally, he barely scratched the surface.  There is a lot more to Iowa than “ve-HICK-les”, NASCAR, and the Hawkeyes. 

Bloom described Keokuk as a crime-riddled skuzzy town.  I wonder why he hasn’t visited my hometown of Waterloo, where the continual lingering effect of racial tension and crime rears its ugly head from time to time.  I should know:  my grandparents lived down the street from one of the most infamous crimes in Iowa history.   

Every town isn’t free of criminal activity, Dr. Bloom.  Even in Iowa City, when your students get tagged for underage drinking.  Des Moines, for a long time, was referred to as “Little Chicago” because it was a refuge for Chicago criminals to hide out in the 1970′s. 

I have seen a lot of changes in this state over the past 35 years, going on 36 (on New Year’s Day).  Iowa is not a place where things quickly change for the sake of change.  It takes prodding, convincing, and showing everyone the big picture that we have to evolve and keep pace with the world.  It can be a struggle or very easy, but that’s what we’re doing…together.  That’s the challenge of cultural change, Dr. Bloom:  it takes time and patience to make it happen.  But, it’s will not go at the pace that you want it to be. 

Remember when East Village was run-down and desolate? Yeah, neither did I. (Picture Des Moines)

I do disagree with him on his assessment that Iowans are a bunch of gun-toting, isolationist, God-fearing conservative folks.  We’re more than that.  Look at me, I’ve never lived on a farm, never fired off a shotgun, independent of both political parties, and I attend church when I’m able to, if I’m not visiting family or volunteering. 

As far as naivety is concerned, we use it as a facade at times, but for the most part, we let our niceness and politeness give off the sense that we’re dolts and simpletons.  That is what Bloom is asserting, in my view.  Folks, it’s alright to show a little mean streak if someone insults us.  Lord knows how many times I want to tell Bill O’Reilly and Keith Olbermann to shove it up where the sun don’t shine. 

After years and years of in-your-face religion, I decided to give what has become an annual lecture, in which I urge my students not to bid strangers “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Easter,” “Have you gotten all your Christmas shopping done?” or “Are you going to the Easter egg hunt?” Such well-wishes are not appropriate for everyone, I tell my charges gently. A cheery “Happy holidays!” will suffice. Small potatoes, I know, but did everyone have to proclaim their Christianity so loud and clear?

Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. One gutsy, red-in-the-face student told me in no uncertain terms that for the rest of her life, she would continue offering Merry Christmas and Happy Easter tidings to strangers, no matter what I, or anyone else, said, because, “That’s just who I am and I’m not about to change. Ever!” Score one for sticking it to the ethnic interloper.

-Stephen Bloom, “Observations from 20 years in Iowa” The Atlantic, December 2011

Bloom crossed the line here.  Lecturing his students how to address their holiday greetings was more self-groveling and venting his hatred towards “Merry Christmas.”  Not all people who say “Merry Christmas” are religious.  If someone says “Merry Christmas”, a suffice “You too and Happy Holidays” will do, Dr. Bloom.  No one’s trying to force their religion on anyone.  If they do, they have a problem…with themselves. 

I use both terms.  Not by choice, but what comes easily out of my mouth, if I’m not stuttering to spit it out. 

The Iowa State Wrestling Tournament

Bloom is correct when he says that Iowa is a yesteryear to the past, for good and possibly bad.  The good is that there is still a society and a part of the world that value decency, respect, and humility.  The bad:  the troubling perception from the outside world that Iowa is still a “lily-white” Pangaea that is steadfast in sticking to their beliefs and traditions, that could be seen as politically incorrect. 

Stephen Bloom, for the most part, took an elitist position when he wrote about this state.  Folks don’t like it when someone writes or talks above their heads and subtly mocks them for their way of life and attitudes.  I’m guilty of that myself, so I have to tone down the intellectual guff and make it sensible for everyone to understand what’s being written. 

Trust me, it’s hard for us to drop some of those attitudes as well.  But denigrating people to prove a point does ooze a sense of personal discontent for him. 

Dr. Bloom implied that we’re the ones who are stuck in our ways.  Maybe it’s the other way around. I’m starting to think that he’s the one who hasn’t changed with the times, if we’re solely judging his attitude and his snide remarks.

But make no doubt that our challenge, as Iowans, is to keep showing America that we are culturally intuitive, open-minded, willing to take on new endeavors and lifestyles, and still maintain the integrity and respect towards our fellow woman and man.  Midwest nice isn’t just a catchphrase.

Fear and the unknown are the driving force and reasons for us not to evolve.

I wonder what Dr. Bloom is really afraid of?

Becoming one of us, or realizing that we’re just as smart as he is?

I don’t believe in self-promotion by any means.  Okay, the picture above would contradict that, but follow me here.  If done too much, it makes you sound like a narcissistic hog:  walking around with its nose stuck up in the air, covered in mud. 

However, when something comes along that is very important and you get recognized for it, you feel proud. 

Last week was one of the moments, when I received an award for community service from the Young Professionals Connection, which is a young professional organization under the Greater Des Moines Partnership. 

The story, to me, isn’t how I received the award, or the acceptance speech, but the story of how this award was created. 

The Ashley Okland Community Service Award was created this year by YPC to honor the memory of an individual whose time here on this crazy place we call Earth ended too early, senselessly and unspeakable. 

Friday, April 8, 2011 appeared to be a normal day around town.  I was hanging out at Scooter’s Coffeehouse (now closed) in West Des Moines.  An acquaintance of mine, Liz Nelson, posted on Facebook that she had an extra ticket to a Civic Music Association concert at Drake University that evening and the first person who sent her a message, would get it. 

Not wanting to pass up a chance, I let Liz know I would take it and attend the performance.  About 3 minutes later, a twitter post came across my laptop that there was a shooting in West Des Moines at a model home.  I casually glanced at it and went back to work, waiting for more information to come out. 

Ten minutes later, it was posted that an Iowa Realty real estate agent was shot and was transported to the hospital.  At first thought, I selfishly was hoping that who ever it was will pull through. 

I headed home, got dressed, and headed to Drake University for the concert at Sheslow Auditorium. 

I arrived on campus, met Liz, picked up my ticket and went inside for the performance.  A little after 9pm, there was a 15-minute intermission period.  I headed outside to check my Twitter feed and get caught up.  The reception in the auditorium was not very good.  I started to see several “RIP” tweets and other tweets with “shocked”, “horrible”, and “sad.”  I scroll down my timeline to find out more about who was the agent that was shot. 

The agent died.  The name of the victim:  Ashley Okland.  I started running through my all-too informative brain trying to picture her.  I did.  I ran into her a week before at Smokey Row.  We didn’t know each other very well, beyond the fact that she served on the YPC board and the both of us participated in several YPC functions. 

The cool evening wind I was feeling felt like an ice storm that blew in and froze time.  It was surreal and unsettling.  I was not in a state of shock.  I was angry.  Pissed off.  Only a coward would do this and run.  Only a cold-calculated individual would commit a heinous and unspeakable act.  

Ashley Okland

A couple of deep breaths and then a long drawn in breath and I exhaled.  I turned around and walked back inside for the second half of the concert.  Yeah, there was no way I could enjoy the rest of the evening.  I was worried about everyone else that knew her:  her family, friends, and colleagues.  It was not going to be easy for them.  

During the final portion of the concert, I knew what I needed to do:  write about it.  I knew what to write and what I needed to describe.  Not for myself, but to offer what small solace it could offer at a time of raw emotions that is neither neat and clean, but rather crestfallen and heartbroken.  I have always been able to shut off my emotions and write what I think and observe.  That night, I needed that ability more than ever to do it. 

Arriving home, I sat down and read as much as I could from the Des Moines Register and other sources online.  As the cursor blinked, I began writing.  In two hours, I wrote this piece that resonated with the YPC community here in Des Moines.  Out of all of the blog posts I have written over the past 6 years, this one was the most challenging and the one I didn’t want to write.  In fact, I hate re-reading it even to this day. 

But I re-read the post once a month as a reminder for myself that internally I will not have satisfaction or relief until the coward who pulled that trigger and cut down an innocent person is captured, tried by a jury of his or her peers, and learn their punishment for this crime. 

Flash forward, eight months to that day in April, I’m receiving congratulations from friends upon being bestowed the inaugural Ashley Okland Community Service Award.  I was selected due to the work I have done as a volunteer in several groups and in general.  I’m a volunteer veteran.  I’ve been lending my time to volunteering for roughly 6 years.  Ashley was just starting to hit her stride as a volunteer. 

Yes, most of you who are my friends will keep reminding me that I’m deserving of this award.  I can’t deny that.  I should embrace it. 

But this award isn’t about the winner of the award, for it is the person for which this award is named after.  We tend to forget the story and the value of what an award means when it’s named after someone, as a way to honor them, or remember them when they are no longer here. 

Let us not forget this reminder when we are recognized for the great things we do in our careers, jobs, and in the community, be it church, park, or school.  For every award, there is a reason and a purpose behind it. 

A name tag introduces us to someone. After that, do we still know them?

Over the past few weeks, we have watched individuals in the spotlight being scrutinized and dissected for their alledged actions and behavior.  Since we have easy access on the internet to find out more about a person, whether if it’s a former coach or a political candidate, we are quick, albeit immediately quick, to weigh judgment on that person.

Which leads me to this long-held statement that we need to say to ourselves:  when we think we really know someone, we don’t.  And we never will.

Ask yourself:  how well do you know your co-worker, friend, spouse, and kids?  Do you know their every motive, thoughts, and movement?  If that person is a good individual, is it genuine or just a front to hide something sinister, or sad, or troubling about themselves?

Seriously, do you really think that Bernie Fine is going to tell Jim Boeheim (pictured) what he does behind closed doors, even after 40+ years of knowing each other? Hell no.

I can tell you one thing, they are not going to tell you anything that they wouldn’t want anyone else to know.  Bernie Fine wasn’t going to tell Jim Boeheim about what goes on at his house.

That what makes the recent stories of perceived and alledged behavior all the more interesting…and troubling.

There is no such thing as a perfect life.  I harkened that in October with Walter Payton and Frank Shorter.  The same can be applied to Bernie Fine and Herman Cain today.  As we question what were they thinking by either hiding or concealing their secrets, or “shadows” as Debbie Ford calls them, sit and think about what you are keeping as a secret from others about yourself.

How much do all of you know me, beyond writing this blog, being a good friend with witty comments, and volunteering in my community with humbleness?  Am I geniune like Tim Tebow, or another reincarnation of John Wayne Gacy?  Remember, Gacy was named the Waterloo Jaycees Man of the Year and was considered a nice individual.

We know how that story ended, right?  Jerry Sandusky pales in comparison, on a large scale, to the atrocities that Gacy conducted.  Sandusky “robbed” his victims of their childhood. Gacy “robbed” his victims of their young lives, by death.

Revisionist history need not apply here.  It’s Gacy and it’s not even close.  Graham James up in Canada is a distant second.

In all of us, there is something we’re hiding from others as a way to protect ourselves from being outed in some way.

We tend to “project” what we see as a wrong or something we want to change, but we have a hard time controlling and addressing these problems ourselves.  An easy example is a public official voicing displeasure of something immoral, only to have him or her self get caught doing the very thing he or she was trying to suppress.

Here’s another:  a person who says that they hate closed-minded people and consider themselves liberal…learns that their child or someone in their family have announced they are gay, dating someone of a different race, or what ever.  That same person becomes upset and objects to it, not realizing that what they say contradicts their reaction and attitude.

Do we do these things because we want to punish the other person for doing it, or are we hiding something that we are unable to address internally ourselves and in turn letting these behaviors destroy us?

- “Running From Shadows” March 6, 2011

Maybe I’m putting too much into this, but I question myself everyday about what I’m doing and what I’m thinking of.  Am I doing the right thing?  Is this something that I need to control?  Will this type of behavior destroy me if someone finds out about it? 

Call it overanalyzing, but I call it checking to make sure I’m competent, sane, and as “normal” as I can be.